TOP 30 HILARIOUS QUOTES
Introduction
Find some humor, and read a collection of funny quotes to make you laugh aloud. Then, you will be in the right mood and notice laughter indeed is the best medicine for your heart. So, enjoy our TOP 30 HILARIOUS QUOTES to refresh yourself and your near ones.
1. Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories…John Wilmot
2. There are three reasons for breastfeeding: the milk is always at the right temperature, it comes in attractive containers, and the cat can’t get it…Irena Chalmers
3. Before I met my husband, I’d never fallen in love. I’d stepped in it a few times…Rita Rudner
4. There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves…Will Rogers
5. Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples…George Burns
6. There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God…Bill Cosby
7. Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway…Amelia walker
8. Everything has been figured out, except how to live…Jean-Paul Sartre
9. The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat…Lily Tomlin
10. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure…Mark Twain
11. When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking Elayne Boosler
12. The average dog is a nicer person than the average person…Andy Roonne
13. The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time…John Barrymore
14. If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans…Woody Allen
15. When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained…Mark Twain
16. No one likes change but babies in diapers…Barbara Johnson
17. California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange…Fred Allen
18. Life is just one damned thing after another…Elbert Hubbard
19. Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink…Shunryu Suzuki Roshi
20. The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life…George Carlin
21. Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy…Frank Sinatra
22. There is little chance that meteorologists can solve the mysteries of weather until they gain an understanding of the mutual attraction of rain and weekends…Arnot Sheppard
23. Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep…Fran Lebowitz
24. Having a better and more productive life than my monster father has been my most significant accomplishment…Stephen Hunter
25. The most dangerous food is wedding cake…James Thurber
26. Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties…Doug Larson
27. The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother – and they’ll settle for a puppy every time…Winston Pendelton
28. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me…Dave Barry
29. When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem…Edward Abbey
30. Dogs are better than human beings because they know but do not tell…Emily Dickinson
Conclusion
You get a complete guide to funny quotes and witty comebacks for each event. These quotes surely make you giggle and save them for later to keep the humorous sentiment. So what are you waiting for? Go grab the ones from our TOP 30 HILARIOUS QUOTES that suit your needs.
